Monday, 7 July 2014

Life Update & how we're dealing with tough times

Hi there! Happy Tuesday! Today, I'm going to do a slightly different type of post. It's a bit more personal than what I normally share so I'm a bit nervous about this one. I'm going to chat with you a bit about what's been going on with our house buying adventure, or lack of progress on that front and how we're dealing with it. I'll try to explain how house buying works here, while leaving out some details for privacy. If something doesn't make sense, feel free to ask, and I will try to explain! 

I mentioned several months ago that we bought a house/ are buying a house with this view in the backyard. 




This property would be the first my husband or I have ever owned/tried to purchase so we are both new to all of this. Here in the Netherlands, if you want to buy a house, you make a bid. After the selling party agrees to the bid, both sign a koop contract [purchasing contract]. It states the amount of money the house is being purchased for, a time limit for transferring ownership, and all parties sign it. This guarantees that you bought the house, and makes it incredibly difficult for either party to backout. In theory, one or the other could be bought out or a court case would ensue to reinforce the contract. 

In the meantime, the buying party arranges a mortgage, which can be done via a bank directly or via a private financing institution. This can take several weeks, depending on your situation. The mortgage, once approved, is 'good' for three months. In other words, you need to officially have ownership of the house transferred to you before those three months. 

If this doesn't happen within the three months, you have to pay the financial institution a hefty fee. I think it's a certain percentage of the mortgage. It is possible, in extenuating circumstances, to extend it without the fee, otherwise you have to refile for the mortgage, arrange all of the paperwork again, and pay all of the fees for doing so again

Okay, that's quite a lot of boring talk. So where are we now? We're refiling our mortgage because of problems the other party is having with something that we can't be told about. Very clear, eh? We call them, a lot, and have had the meeting for official 'changing of keys' put back for two and a half months already. Now, I'll give you a peek into how up and down this journey has been for us by summing up a few conversations we had with them last week: 


  • Wednesday hubby gets a call from them: You're getting the key on Monday
  • Thursday morning hubby arranges to get time off of work on Monday
  • Thursday afternoon hubby gets a call: You're not getting the key on Monday. No, I have no idea when. 
  • The deadline for using the mortgage is Monday, so Hubby arranges paperwork for re-filing our Mortgage, and tells his boss he doesn't need time off anymore. 
  • Friday afternoon hubby gets a call from them: You might be getting the key on Monday. I'll call you Monday. [Hubby is already done with work, and can't tell his boss he does need time off]. 
  • Monday [yesterday] no phone call so hubby calls: we still don't know, but stop by the office anyway. 
  • Monday afternoon we go there: we have no answers for you, it's just a horrible situation. We don't know when you'll get the key. 

And that's where we're at. Are you confused yet? We are. These types of conversations have happened quite a lot within the course of the past two and a half months. We were initially supposed to have the key in the first week of May, but that date has come and gone. We have an idea why this is happening, but that's a bit of a legal thing that doesn't relate to us. 

Sadly, because this house will need a lot of lovin' to get back to a livable situation, having everything pushed back this far is really impacting our life plans. We wanted most construction done during the summer, which won't be happening. We also want another baby and we obviously need a place to put it that isn't in my in laws house. It may not seem like too big of a deal, but we put off TTCing because of this house, and now it's taking even longer. We feel a bit stuck in our lives because we have this big looming project over our heads, but also because there is just so much uncertainty!

So that got long quick! Now, let's chat about some positive things. We're trying to stay positive. Some days are better than others, and yesterday after that entire ordeal, it was rough. Here are some things that we've been doing to try to prevent some major sulking and self pity: 

  • In times like these, we keep reminding ourselves - this is our 'forever house' [we hope!]. It's just perfect for our needs, and has so much potential. Does two months really matter if we'll be living there for a lifetime? It doesn't seem so bad then when you think in terms of years.

  • We also have a place to stay right now no matter what. Even though we would rather be in our new house, or still in our formal rental really, than living with my in laws for quite so long, we still appreciate their generosity of opening their home to us. 

  • We're healthy [knock on wood], but without this, nothing else really matters. 

  • We already have a kid. TTCing has been a particularly sore point for me, and it makes me so much for more thankful to have such an amazing son I can love up on. 


 

  • We have stability. Of course this is to some extent, but we have friends dealing with layoffs, looking for work in other countries, and really struggling in that regard. Hubby has a great job. I'm a SAHM so finances tend to be fairly tight and monitored, but obviously, we're doing alright :) 

  • I mentioned last week that we're thinking about going on a short holiday. A long weekend away is really something we need at the moment, and something I'm really looking forward to. We're going to keep it cheap because of the remodeling that we'll need to do, but we need to clear our heads and get away. 

  • Husband. I'm really, really thankful for my hubby. He's grown so much since we've been together and has taken on his role as a husband and father wonderfully. I seriously couldn't ask for a better Daddy, role model for my son. Hubby generally loves spending time with his son, but he also helps me out with discipline and temper tantrums. He supports me, cheers me up, and I can tell he loves me. He provides for us, and makes it possible for me to be at home. That's a lot! 

  • Shopping. And when in doubt - buy stuff! Okay, again, within reason. But after all of this stress, both hubs and I deserve something 'extra'. He got some tools. I got some clothes. Obviously this doesn't solve anything or have anything to do with anything, but it was fun! 

  • Romance/dates/adult time. We haven't been too into each other lately. I mean, we talk and stuff, but we don't have very much privacy or time alone. Hubby has been pretty busy at work lately and we haven't been seeing him much in general. It's so nice to get out alone, just the two of us. Even if it's going for a short walk or going to the grocery store. I love those times when we can hold hands and just remember that we're a couple, too. 

To be honest, this whole house thing is really frustrating, stressful, and just generally a big pain. As difficult as I'm finding it, I know my husband is bearing the brunt of the stress because he's the one making the arrangements. While I could make some phone calls, the language barrier is still there and this isn't the type of stuff we want to risk a misunderstanding on. Hubby will also be the one working on the major construction, from overseeing hired out work, to actually doing most of it himself. I'm going to be coming in to paint, sand, clean, etc, but that's minor work. 

Question

  • How do you deal with stressful times? 
  • How do you help your partner through tough times? 

Today, I am linking up for List it Tuesday aReal Life at Home and Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers.

As always, thanks so much for stopping by!
Yuliya